Festival Diary is a series of diary entries dedicated to local music festivals and the personal recollections they evoke. This is the second entry of the series.

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BY NUR SYADA

1:36 PM 

I make my way to the venue of Diet TTF: Studio AB. The name of the venue isn’t even on the Grab app, so I spend the entire time paranoid about it. Did I put in the wrong location? Could I have gotten the date wrong? I’m paranoid, and nothing makes sense.

I don’t know exactly what to expect since it’s my first ever music festival, and I only know two artists on the setlist. I’ve heard (and stalked) of many artists on the bill but I’ve only listened to music from two of them, Lunadira and LUST. Yes, I know I’m to blame for not really indulging in local music. Don’t throw rocks at me, please — I’m trying my best.

I put my headphones on and blast my playlist to get in the mood, which is a challenge. I only have my own negativity to blame for this. I keep checking my reflection in my phone screen as “Accept Yourself” by The Smiths plays in my ears. Do I look good enough for today? Am I overdressed or way too bland? Oh, this is going to be a long day…

2:16 PM

Just arrived at Studio AB. I look around at the small tables they’ve set up — food, merch, tickets…Err, is this it? I feel underwhelmed. I also feel judged by random people even though that’s probably not the case. Or it could be….

I’m probably going to end up having some overpriced food today. Please, please, please let this be exciting. And please, please, please let the food be good. At least decent.

2:30 PM

For reasons unknown to me, as soon as I get my wristband, I decide to venture into the digital stage. I check the rundown on my phone to see who’s playing—H3llbent and August Fear.

I shrug and stay for the entire set, and I’m glad I did. I felt like I needed something different to start my day, something outside my usual territory, instead of diving straight into the loudness of indie bands. I look around awkwardly. I feel awkward literally 24/7 but let’s face it, right now, I definitely look like I don’t belong here. It’s obvious how much I look like an out of place “budak indie” from head to toe. But believe it or not, sometimes I listen to everything and not just my usual rotation of ‘80s sullen post punk indie music. If I like it, I like it. And in the case of H3llbent and August Fear’s set, I like it. Sometimes you need this kind of music too, you know? Something you can just listen to without being sulky and constantly sighing. And I admit I do that ALL THE TIME.

3:00 PM

Okay, okay, I’m back at the analog stage, back to my indie roots. Cactus Cactus? Cactus but twice? I spend half the set wondering how they came up with that name. These guys are loud and very, very energetic — unlike me, who didn’t have breakfast. So, instead of joining in with the rest of the crowd, I pull the classic move of standing in one spot, just bopping my head along to tunes I don’t even know. Acting nonchalant as if my stomach isn’t begging for some food. 

I’m someone who zones out pretty fast, but thanks to the band’s keyboardist — who has some amazing moves — I actually enjoy their entire set. No, seriously. He’s got serious MOVES, and I’m still thinking about it.

3:40 PM

When Hawa was playing, I cursed myself for not getting in the front row. Mind you, I’d never even properly listened to a song from them before, but I still felt the need to see them up close. There’s just something about an all-girl band looking incredibly ethereal while dishing out the angriest songs you’ve ever heard.

I didn’t even record anything during their set because my mouth was wide open, soaking in the music and lyrics. And, once again, I curse myself for not recording, because as soon as their set ends, I open Spotify, look them up, and find only two songs. What the hell? How long do I have to wait to hear those new songs again? Okay, I’m taking this opportunity to plea for Hawa to release the album.

After Hawa’s set, I find myself stalking their entire Instagram account. It’s kinda funny to do that while they’re literally right in front of me.

4:20PM

I’m outside, and I’m taking some time to reflect. On what? I don’t even know, but I do know that my knees are giving out, and I need to rest. I sit on what seems like a really old and worn out plastic chair, hoping it won’t break, and look around at the groups of people. People-watching is my favorite hobby. 

The audience’s fashion sense is immaculate. I saw a guy wearing bootcut jeans and a really cool jacket, I saw cowboy boots everywhere, jackets with badges on them, mini skirts, and graphic tees that made me squint to read the “quirky” words written on them. I still can’t really make out the words. I’ll blame the tiny font instead of my own terrible eyesight. 

Do I look THAT good too? I think to myself as I devour a RM 15 pizza slice and look at my own outfit of a black top, black skirt and red tights. Eh, I quite like my outfit so I guess I’ll just compliment myself a bit too, you know?

I notice a lot of people rushing back to the venue after a while, but I successfully shake off my FOMO and decide to stay outside for a bit longer with my battered chair. The sun doesn’t feel that bad after spending hours in the freezing cold venue. Seriously, though, what’s up with the aircon?

5:07 PM

My legs are still sore, so I decide to lean back against the wall during The Filters’ set and pretend I’m the main character at the end of a movie. Their music does an amazing job of feeding that delusion, so thank you to The Filters for that. I see someone in the audience crowd-surfing and always wonder what it feels like. I look at myself and think, I guess we’ll never know.

5:54 PM

I take another much-needed break outside. I really am not built for the festival lifestyle, and these damn shoes are killing my feet. Can they make Doc Martens that don’t make you want to rip your feet off? Does looking cool also come with pain? Do I even look cool? Why is it so hot outside? Why is it so cold inside?

6:14 PM

It’s getting quite loud inside the venue, and the FOMO is haunting me again. So I head back in to see Subsonic Eye, and it gives me a surge of energy once more. I think the iced coffee I had earlier also plays a part in this sudden energy burst, but I’ll just give full credit to Subsonic Eye. With that set, they definitely deserve it.

I feel like dancing along with the rest of the audience, but instead, I dance alone in my head, which is still pretty enjoyable as Subsonic Eye sings their cheery tunes with not-so-cheery lyrics. It’s a perfect combination for me.

7:49 PM

It’s finally time for Lunadira’s set. I look behind me, and the place is filling up again. I remember Lunadira saying she’s feeling cold too because of the aircon, and I have to fight the urge to shout, “I KNOW RIGHT?” loudly. Me and Studio AB’s aircon definitely have beef at this point.

Lunadira’s set makes me feel the exact opposite of what The Filters did. Instead of feeling like the main character in an indie film, I feel like I’m watching the main character on stage. The number of “woah” and “ooh” I let out while watching her perform probably annoyed the people around me (sorry). Lunadira’s voice and her stage presence makes me feel like I’m watching an otherworldly performance. The way she owns the stage makes me feel like I should be writing down notes or something, like I’m taking a stage performance 101 class. 

8:23 PM

After Lunadira, I wander around the Analog Stage, peeking into the Digital Stage every now and then. I continue to peek from the Analog Stage instead because everytime I try to get in the Digital Stage I always end up bumping into random people because of the thick curtains. The curtains separating the two stages are almost falling apart at this point, so I can see Rempit Goddess playing at the Digital Stage while Ichu is performing in front of me. I feel like I’m in between two different universes.

9.15PM

After moments of peeking and wandering around, I make my way back to the Digital Stage, basking in the presence of none other than Lil Asian Thiccie, whom I’ve been anticipating all day. As I mentioned, I’m very unfamiliar with this genre, but damn, I had an amazing time during her set — so much so that I completely forget about the pain in my legs. Why was it only 30 minutes long? I wanted more.

As soon as her set ends, my leg pain returns to my consciousness. Damn it.

10:03 PM

I catch myself yawning at this point and feel quite embarrassed. Dude, it’s only 10:00 PM. What am I, a child?

I lean against the wall and shut my eyes for a while as if I can actually get some rest in this loudness.

I sound like a boomer.

10:41 PM

FINALLY. What I, and probably everyone else here, have been waiting for: LUST. I’m at the barricade, and I look behind me — it’s PACKED in here. And for once, I’m grateful for the cold aircon. Okay, I’m sorry for complaining about it all day.

LUST comes out with an abundance of guitars (I might be exaggerating), and delivers a performance so ethereal that once again, I feel like the main character at the end of an indie film. I create my own monologue in my head while Lust plays their tunes as if I’m the only person in the room. As soon as their set ends, it’s like I’m snapped back into bitter reality. These sets really do feel incredibly short when you’re happy and lost in the moment. 

11:35 PM

I’m tired, I really am. I just want to be in my bed at this point. But I have to admit, I feel pretty empty once I realize it’s over. Is this it? Is this the end? Well, yes, it’s the end of Diet TTF, but not of my life, so I must try not to be so melodramatic. My journey to the fest and back home was filled with questions and a bunch of paranoid thoughts.

Even though I’m unfamiliar with most of the acts I saw today, the fact that I still had a great time speaks volumes. That’s the beauty of it — you don’t need to know everything. You don’t need to know the exact shoe size of the artist’s neighbor’s sister to enjoy their music. Just go and enjoy. Who knows what you’ll find? I know what I found: a ton of great new music that I’ve put on repeat to cure the post-concert blues.

I still have many questions lingering in my mind even days after the festival, but if there’s one thing I’m sure of now, it’s that the future of music in this country is in good hands — even if it’s in a diet form.

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Born in 2003, Nur Syada is currently pursuing a degree in Arts English at The University of Malaya. Having a tonne of poetry and prose stashed around, she hopes to become a published poet someday.