I connected with the Jakarta-based rapper BAP. or Kareem Pradipto Soenharjo over Google Meet, with a glass of Iced Matcha in hand, diving back into my roots of music writing with a renewed focus. I appreciate him for taking the time to talk to me. So often, journalism strips away the tenderness, leaving art as just a product, and artists, weary, are caught in the limbo of self-promotion. Yet, he felt like an open book, ready to share his truths with me without reservation, a rare honesty that reminded me of why these conversations matter. 

Kareem’s latest record as BAP. (pronounced as “bup” and not “bee aye pee”) is called  m. album tiga. Released in September last year, the record invites interpretations as varied as the title suggests – manifold, malignant, mad, or simply, a “third album”. It’s a piece that defies containment, existing on a continuum of meaning and intention, mirroring Kareem’s complex, sometimes nihilistic yet radically humble and rooted outlook on life, family and community.  

Genre labels like experimental hip-hop and electronic music barely do justice to m. album tiga. The record is a visceral peek into Kareem’s psyche, a raw exploration of his mental state and a mirror of the unsettling turmoil he channels as BAP. His music deals with blurred bodies and shifting realities, a theme introduced right from the opening track “gairah (live from the fuck off),” which kicks off with a brash, unapologetic declaration: “I’m a vessel of one, master of none / I’m a bad little cunt / I’ll do whatever I want.”  As he shared in an interview with Indonesia’s whiteboardjournal, the track was recorded impulsively in his room while his girlfriend played The Sims — capturing the unrestrained, spontaneous energy that defines his approach to music and life alike.

The album drifts in and out of a fogged reverie, each track an immersion into existential malaise and soul-searching ruminations.  Tracks like “pikun” plume into sprawling, disorienting interludes, while others, such as “mimimpipi” and “bruxism, or why i’m afraid of earthquakes,” unfold as self-revealing monologues. Here, BAP. confronts a restless ego, caught between delusions of grandeur and the crushing weight of inconsequence — “It’s a constant struggle with feeling like shit and the shit”, he mentions. Yet, a resolution grounds the album in a homage to family — a force that tempers its frenetic, self-exposing intensity. 

We spoke over Google Meet about mental health, the backbones of his music production and the conditions that fuel every decision he makes — both the hesitations and the leaps — all while navigating life in Jakarta. It’s in the fissures that his music emulates — the unspoken hesitations and the fleeting moments of clarity. These cracks aren’t flaws; they’re spaces where something raw and deeply human takes shape, pulling you in with an optic clarity that materialises with every listen. This interview has been edited for clarity.

How did you get started in music production?

Right, yeah so I played the guitar since I was little and I used to fuck around with bands and with my friends. In high school, I found my friend producing music through his laptop alone, and that really astounded me. I just had the thought that if my friend can do it, why can’t I? So I asked (him) to download the music program on my computer, and I guess the rest is kind of history at that point. You know, it started to become quite an obsession. I started producing everyday and what not? And you know, we’re here… now.

And what is this music program exactly? 

It’s Ableton. 

Oh cool. I see that it first started as a fun hobby.

Yeah… you know, it was therapeutic. Times were a little bit tough in high school, and (producing) became kind of my saviour at that point…just to produce music on my own. I did it in class, I did it during lunch, I did it before school, I just did it every time, and it became a healthy, or unhealthy, obsession, (laughs) I don’t know… 

Are you doing this as a full-time gig?

Umm… I’m currently looking for employment, I guess. 

Oof! Tough life.. tough life.

I’m blessed, you know? It’s not as tough as some other people, but you know… it gets rough sometimes, financially. 

Speaking of finance, as a musician, are you self-funded?

Yeah… in a way… yeah. I suppose. I mean the last album was funded… almost entirely by me and my team. And the record label helped with a lot of the legal issues — most of the portion of the budget came from me and my manager. 

Would you say that the support from your record label, particularly your A&R team, played a significant role in your journey?

I don’t have an A&R. I only have a manager. Mostly, it’s just friends, family & girlfriend, besides the management. They’ve been the biggest support system throughout all this. Yeah, they’ve been supportive and understanding about what I’m trying to say — regarding my artistry. Because it’s quite personal and candid stuff. There are also things revolving around family, and the issues within that, I suppose… within myself too. So it’s really great for them to be supportive of my vulnerability, you know. 

I’m not sure about the music scene in Jakarta, but in Malaysia, there’s this staunch Muslim-Majority conservatism that’s hindering independent artists from emerging out of their shells, and really blossom in the music scene.

…Right.

So would you say that Jakarta is the same or would you say that they’re more open towards emerging artists?

I think they’re more open, to be quite honest. I could say the music scene here is more secure, because just about everybody gets to make what they want, without any worry about close-minded or open-minded people. How I see it, we work in little bubbles, and each bubble is an ecosystem that really supports one another. I mean, that’s good for now. That’s good progress. 

That’s good to hear. Anyways, I incorporated this really, like, edgy… (chuckles)… just a random collage of words, maybe you could help me pick three words and reference them to any aspect of your life – be it your artistry… your persona… just anything that you could think of, really. 

I think, uh… it might be vulnerable, ego and death. 

…death. And why would you choose these 3 prompts?

I think I’m quite vulnerable, in terms of my openness about myself, I tend to be an open book most of the time, if people ask the right questions. Or maybe I’m not afraid to be vulnerable, music-wise and life-wise. Ego… I have a personal struggle with ego because it’s something that I need to work on for now. I think it’s good practice to regulate ego. It’s just something that I’ve been trying to deal with. 

Do you feel like you have imposter syndrome?

Sometimes… sometimes. I mean, like sometimes when people say they like the album, I feel like ah… do you actually though? (laughs)

Sometimes… you feel like… wow, did I actually produce that album? 

Yeah, but you know, it’s always a blessing for people to appreciate the work, whether they mean it or not, you don’t know right? So you gotta just appreciate what they say at face value as well. For death, I think it’s a simple fact that I think about death everyday. Not in a dark way… 

Like it’s bound to happen. 

Yeah, when am I gonna die? Or like when are my loved ones gonna die? It’s a normal thought to have.

What happens after death, really? I think about that every night. 

Yeah… I don’t think about that. 

You just feel like it ends after death?

I don’t wanna know the answer… 

…Same. 

Maybe, not now. 

Right, it’s a bit existential. Maybe we can take a more lighthearted approach to this. Shifting to your creative inspirations, there’s a really child-like wonder to this album cover…

THANK YOU! 

Yeah… I really love it. So why this album cover?

It’s a childhood drawing by my big sister. 

Childhood drawing! WowI

It was a childhood drawing from when she was 6? Or 7… and I was like 3, or 4. That’s a drawing of me. 

A depiction of you. That’s really cute. 

It’s a good representation of what the album wants to be. It’s a representation of what I want to be now, you know? Something that’s innocent and pure-hearted, I guess? When you’re a child, that’s all you know.

It’s like regressing back to your child-like self? Igniting the passion, and sense of wonder, I suppose? 

Maybe passion, in a way. Just passion for life, living, being the best that you can be. 

And it’s all shown through your work.

THANK YOU!

Let’s change gears and move on to “bruxism, or why i’m afraid of earthquakes”. This track incorporated many experimental soundscapes, with one of its defining elements being the monologues. Were these compiled randomly from the voice memos on your phone, or were they intentionally selected?

It’s pretty random, obviously. I wanted to convey the feeling of bruxism and how I view it from my personal lens. The song is very forward, I suppose. It’s how I literally feel when I try to sleep, because of night terrors. It’s something that I struggle with a lot. 

Like sleep paralysis?

No, it’s something a little bit different. With night terrors, in my case, my body completely shakes and vibrates. Hence the fear of earthquakes. I always thought I heard them back in the day. So it’s kind of like a real-life depiction of that. The form of the song. It always happens at like 2, or 3am in the morning. And that’s caused by anxiety and stress. 

What is “Bruxism”?

I used to wake up with my tongue and my gums bleeding a lot. I did not know why until I searched the internet. And apparently, it’s called “Bruxism” – the act of grinding your teeth when you sleep. That can cause a lot of wounds on your teeth and gums. Thank god I don’t have night terrors anymore. It’s just like a little time capsule, I guess. It’s an archive of what happened.

You don’t have to answer this, but how are you coping with your mental health struggles, especially in Indonesia. Do you feel there is openness toward discussing mental health, both in medical and personal spheres?

I think it’s available, but it’s not cheap. I mean, I stopped drinking my meds a long time ago because of how expensive it is. I have since tried to find healthy alternatives for it. Working out, running, eating healthily. 

Just little steps to improve your lifestyle.

Yeah…exactly. I feel like… umm… I’m doing, I’m doing okay. It could be worse. 

It’s a privilege to be able to access professional help, right? Even though you’re dealing with a literal brain disease. 

But it’s becoming more normal to go to a psychologist or a psychiatrist which I think is very good, you know. 

Thank you for having this difficult conversation with me. 

…No worries. 

Do you approach songwriting with a modus operandi?  With an intention in mind, or do you go by feel?

That’s a good question. Generally, I go by feel in the beginning. And then when I see what this song can become, I go by modus operandi. So I kind of navigate the path through my feelings. When I kinda know where I’m tryna go then I add some stuff that I already have in mind for the song. That’s how I go. 

Is your artistry heavily centred around electronic music?

Not really, no. I work with electronics and analogues. I write with guitar as well as piano. Whatever I can get my hands on. 

I see. In your Spotify bio, you mentioned about the “South-east Asian Renaissance”.  What does that insinuate about your identity? 

It’s just a self-confirmation, I guess. That I wanna uphold for myself. Um, a renaissance man, as I remember it, is a great man with a lot of skills in mind. So that’s just what I wanna be in terms of music. I just wanna be a person that is, or can be, musically gifted… well-skilled. It’s a prayer, basically. 

So, is Southeast Asia just an extension of you? You’re from Indonesia so I want to ask if you have infused some gamelan elements in your album. 

I’ve always really wanted to. But I haven’t gotten the hang of it. ‘Cause I don’t want it to feel like a gimmick, you know? Using traditional instruments, I want it to be fully implemented in a way that respects the gamelan. For me, I just haven’t gotten the hang of that, for now. 

Sometimes it just feels forced. 

…And you don’t want it to feel that way. 

This album is a reflection of your inner turmoil, vulnerability and mental health. Is there a resolution, maybe a symbol of hope?

There is. The last three songs are about my girlfriend, my big sister and my mom. I see that as like, you know what? I’ve made my life with some of the best people that I can call my family. My only hope is to be better for me, and in turn, for them. 

What were their reactions to the tracks?

They cried! (laughs)

That’s so sweet! Did you introduce them in a formal setting, such as a showcase, or was it in a more intimate, personal context?

I showed it to my mom. We were at a cafe… just having coffee. Uh… my big sister listened to the track during my listening session party and I updated my girlfriend like weekly, that I wrote (the songs) for her, you know? I really like to share my songs with her a lot. Also, I think I am where I am because of my sister, she has influenced my musical and movie tastes a lot, since I was little. And with my mother, I think she taught me that working hard doesn’t really come easy but if you put in the work, you can get things done. Though with my girlfriend, she taught me that it’s okay to take things easy sometimes. It’s a good balance, I think. 

These women in your life, they kinda ground you, I guess. 

Yeah…yeah…yeah. They really do. 

Let’s say we collaborate on a playlist together. What would you include? It could be the soundtrack of your week or something that describes you as a person… just 5 tracks.

Mmm… I’ve been listening to Tyler the Creator again. The latest album. I like Sticky, a good song from the album. Um… I think something that will cheer me up is Kero Kero Bonito’s “Time Today”. I think it has some J-Pop influences. But it’s a really good project.  Maybe… something to kinda hype me up, I’ve been listening to Kendrick Lamar again, a little bit, “Hood Politics” is one. Vampire Weekend, “Classical”, which I think is a really good song, and the last one…mmm… let me check my Spotify!

(laughs)

*humming* I’ve just been listening to De La Soul’s “Me Myself and I”.  It’s a funky hip-hop song, yeah. Old school stuff.

Listen to BAP.’s m. album tiga on Bandcamp:

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Fadila Ixora (b. 2002) is a freelance multidisciplinary writer and poet based in Kuala Lumpur and Singapore, with works that explore Nusantara landscapes.